Part of socializing effectively is being able to put yourself in another person’s shoes. Having the ability to understand our peers’ mindsets is important when it comes to making and maintaining meaningful relationships because it allows us to recognize why an individual is feeling the way they do. Whether it be showing empathy, de-escalating situations that may be stressful, showing support for something they are excited about, or any other emotion, having a well-developed Theory of Mind (ToM) is important, especially in college. It allows young adults and others to socialize in a way that sparks lasting and significant companionship. Putting in the effort to show that you want to understand another person’s mindset makes them feel as if you care about their feelings and the relationship you two share, strengthening your bond. However, for those with many life challenges such as ADHD, Autism, “Asperger’s,” Learning Disabilities, etc., this skill may not come easily. Typically, children begin to develop ToM around the ages of 4 or 5 years old, but some may find it more difficult to develop this ability to understand the thoughts and intentions of peers, which will influence their social and perceptual development in the socialization realm and into adulthood.

Although important, being able to primarily think literally can hinder an individual from flourishing socially. Before, during and after college, it can feel like almost anything is a stressor. Between classes, exams, tests, and starting an independent social life, it can be easy for a person to become restless, irritable and discontent. Sometimes we as people feel as if we have too much going on and someone adding more “onto our plate” can make you snap. Although they were only a little part of the whole issue, it is still common for people, especially young adults in college, to take it out on someone who had nothing to do with the situation, they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It happens to the best of us. When a friend does something like blow up on you for seemingly no reason, the development of “Theory of Mind” skills can allow us to take a step back and question why this blow up had happened, understand what our friend was thinking, and even acknowledge the warning sign to prevent it from happening again in the future. This is what makes ToM so important when it comes to socialization since “Forging a strong theory of mind plays an important role in our social worlds as we work to understand how people think, to predict their behavior, to engage in social relationships, and to solve interpersonal conflicts.” (Cherry, 2021). As a young adult, being able to enter the mindset of someone else is what keeps not only our friendships but overall companionships with peers and someday interactions with coworkers going smoothly. In college, not everyone will agree with you. People come from different backgrounds, ideals, religions, etc., which will call for being able to understand or atleast accept that person’s point of view, especially when it comes to projects and/or discussions. However, conflicts are still common, which is why as we get older, we need to learn how to manage and prevent them. According to a study done on those with life challenges, “During school, children’s knowledge … continues to increase and development of ToM increases the social harmony.” (Adibsereshki et. al., 2015). This shows that if an individual is capable of developing ToM, then being able to socialize will become easier since knowing and understanding what a person is thinking makes things more understandable instead of becoming frustrated.  Typically, an individual who is struggling understanding and adapting to another person’s perspective, would benefit from specific training to develop these essential skills. Always thinking of what makes sense to you from your own point of view can make socializing in college and life difficult. College is the type of place where in class and companionship, you need to consider multiple points of view. Whether it be to enable yourself to grow academically or support a friend emotionally, a developed Theory of Mind is needed, and the College Life Skills Program can aid young adults in strengthening this skill.

Expressing empathy and emotions, understanding your own and peers’ mindsets, whether it be emotions, personal desires, knowledge, likes/dislikes and beliefs, how to work in group settings by understanding others’ points of view, etc., are all Theory of Mind skills the College Life Skills Program can help teach your young adult. Without them, life in college may become more difficult and isolating than it should be, creating a barrier between relationships that require thought, emotion and perceptual aspects. Prevent your child from missing out on all the potentially amazing opportunities of college. Instead, have CollegeLSP provide them with the skills they need to flourish socially.

Dr. Eric J. Nach, Ph.D., M.Ed., A.S.D.C., is a Developmental and Behavioral Specialist who specializes in Autism, ADHD and related disorders. Dr. Nach is the founder of the College Life Skills Program where he and his team of professional’s help develop the Emotional Maturity, Executive Functioning, Life Skill and Social Abilities of college students and those high school students preparing for college. The CollegeLSP is a subsidiary program of the Support For Students Growth Center, located in Boca Raton, FL and providing services nationwide.

Adibsereshki, N., Nesayan, A., Asadi Gandomani, R., & Karimlou, M. (2015). The Effectiveness of Theory of Mind Training On the Social Skills of Children with High Functioning Autism Spectrum Disorders. Iranian journal of child neurology, 9(3), 40–49.

Cherry, K. (2021, July 4). Why the theory of mind is important for social relationships. Verywell Mind. Retrieved August 5, 2022, from https://www.verywellmind.com/theory-of-mind-4176826