Uh oh,
What had started as a fun game has now turned into an absolute disaster!
As the young adult who is always used to winning finally lost a game of checkers to his friend, he ends up having an absolute meltdown, even after his friend was humble about her win. His friend, however, doesn’t like this reaction. She finds that not having her friend supporting her successes upsets her, therefore damaging the relationship they share, but she tries to play again anyway. Yet, after he wins this time, he gloats and rubs it in her face, causing the young woman to no longer want to play with the young man anymore because whether he wins or loses, she winds up feeling badly.
After this shift in their friendship, the young man doesn’t seem to understand why his friend doesn’t want to play with him anymore, leaving him upset and confused about this social situation. After he asks his friend what is wrong, she explains her feelings and how he made her feel, and when he tells others about what happened they can see that their peer has trouble accepting both failure and success in some social interactions. This young adult may have a social communication deficit, much like other young adults with life challenges such as Autism, ADHD, “Asperger’s,” Learning Disabilities, anxiety disorders, etc., he is having problems with accepting wins and momentary failures in an age-appropriate way.
Although success is great, failure can be helpful too. It can allow us to see things in a different way or realize that we aren’t perfect, all while teaching us something new. A source explains how “Failure often allows you to examine what worked or what didn’t even more so than success. It can foster your critical and analytical thinking skills, allowing you to innovate, redirect and try another way to execute something the next time.” (Indeed, 2021). Being able to realize what went wrong and not become discouraged by it but motivated to figure it out or reach out for professional help and do better is one-way accepting failure can help young adults become more well-adapted to adult like socialization and emotional regulation in everyday life. Not throwing a tantrum because you failed or something did not work out the way you planned, but accepting it in a respectable manner is important, but the same goes for success. Not gloating or making it so you are being disrespectful or rude to your peers who may have failed when accepting success is an important social skill to have. It allows for kids, teens and young adults to make and nurture friendships because if they are unable to properly adapt to these things, then they may be less approachable by people their own age, leading to “shunning” and isolation.
At the College Life Skills Program, we professionally coach and train those who are college bound, in college, and after college develop the skills needed to excel in college and independent life. We can help develop the skills independent adults need in their lives to ensure they are continually practicing the skills needed to properly accept failure and success effectively on their own. Our team of Doctoral and Master level professionals uses our individualized, proprietary, evidence-based approaches developed with the real-life experience of thousands of students over three decades to aid young adults in their journey to independence. So, if you’re worried that the inability to accept failure and success may cause your young adult to fall behind, the CollegeLSP is more than qualified to help.
How failures lead to success and lessons that can help you … – indeed. (2021). Retrieved January 18, 2023, from https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/failures-lead-to-success
