It’s just easier on my own…
For one young woman, college was far more difficult than she had anticipated. Not academically, however, but personally. She had been away for three months and has still not made a connection with anyone but her roommate, and even then, she felt as if it was surface level. While the young woman was prepared for many aspects of independent adult life, her communication and overall social skills fell short.
Her difficulty reading body language has caused her to focus too much on it during conversations, making her completely miss whatever the person was saying. Then, while having to work in group setting for class, she often struggled to express her ideas because she could never tell how anyone else was feeling about them, so she simply didn’t. As time went on, she spoke less and less and attempted to socialize less and less before suddenly finding herself with no friends at all, only her roommate. Even then, she found socializing with her roommate to be difficult because she never knew the right thing to say, so as time went on, she tried to keep the talking to a minimum.
After finding herself in social isolation, the young lady realized she was unhappy while away at college. She wanted to return home where she knew everyone and didn’t need to work to understand what they were feeling, so her parents reached out to the College Life Skills Program for help. There, she met with a coach weekly so she could try and strengthen her social skills by learning and applying strategies such as how to hold a conversation and read social cues. She also learned how to focus on more than one aspect of a conversation at once, both actively listening and reading nonverbal cues. As she received this coaching, with a level of accountability, her ability to make and maintain friendships on her own became easier while away at college, preventing her from dropping out altogether.
Socializing while at college can be far more difficult than most think. Since people come from all different backgrounds, what may be consider socially acceptable to some people may not be what you’re used to, and vice versa. At college, people expect others to be able to read their social cues, because although what they may be used to is different, the cues they give are usually the same. If they seem uncomfortable because you are standing closer than what they are used to, it is important that young adults can identify that and adjust accordingly. If young adults are unable to do so, then it may cause difficulties when trying to socialize while in college.
Being able to read facial expressions, body language, and other non-verbal cues can help us identify what is occurring in a social situation so we can react appropriately. If your roommate walks in with a stress demeanor, it may be best to not bother them in that moment. However, if a young adult is unable to identify that, then they may bother their roommate anyway, causing their roommate to react in a way that is negative towards them. If this keeps happening, then it may put a strain on the relationship because their roommate doesn’t want to have to always express their emotions out loud.
This can happen amongst other relationships too, such as one’s with classmates and peers. In college, people often expect others around them to have age-appropriate social skills, and if they go off to college without them, it can cause difficulties in the classroom as well when communicating for a project or making a non-school related connection. If they are unable to communicate efficiently, then the others around them may find it hard to create a personal connection because they feel unheard as their social cues get ignored. One source explains how “Many students find it difficult to make friends at university. In 2023, the U-Belong team found that by the second term, 21% of students reported they hadn’t made friends they could trust and rely on, and 19% hadn’t made friends they would spend leisure time with. Additionally, 60% of students experienced anxiety around social situations.” (U-Belong, n.d.).
Being unable to read nonverbal cues, participate in groups, continue or initiate conversation, and so much more can cause college to quickly become lonely. If young adults are struggling to socialize, then fear of negative social interactions can cause them to avoid it all together. Spending more time on video games than with peers, refusing to make or go to plans, etc., are ways that poor social skills can lead to isolation while in college. Without strong social skills, even starting a conversation can be difficult, but the College Life Skills Program can help with that.
At the College Life Skills Program, our team of Doctoral and Master level professionals utilizes a series of highly individualized strategies, services, and techniques to help young adults who are college bound, in college, and even after college succeed in and after their transition into adult life. We help teach them social skills so they can be successful in the work world and in life as well as help them learn how to balance independent life on their own, and other life skills, executive functioning skills, and emotional maturity. If your young adult is struggling with executive skills or the transition into college and adulthood, CollegeLSP has the tools to aid them in achieving and generalizing such skills.
Click here and call now to schedule your FREE 20-minute individualized screening.
Dr. Eric J. Nach, Ph.D., M.Ed., A.S.D.C., is a Developmental and Behavioral Specialist who specializes in Autism, ADHD and related disorders. Dr. Nach is the founder of the College Life Skills Program where he and his team of professional’s help develop the Emotional Maturity, Executive Functioning, Life Skill and Social Abilities of college students and those high school students preparing for college. The CollegeLSP is a subsidiary program of the Support For Students Growth Center, located in Boca Raton, FL and providing services nationwide
Making friends at university – U-belong. U. (n.d.). https://www.u-belong.uk/making-friends
