Understanding boundaries is one of the most essential social skills young adults can have, especially as they transition into independent life. In college, students are constantly around others. Whether it be sharing a bathroom with an entire floor of people or living with your roommate in what feels like a shoe box, often, boundaries are required to keep a stable living environment. No one enjoys feeling as if someone is constantly overstepping. It causes individuals to become irritated and unhappy with the relationship you and your roommates or classmates share, which is why the development of proper social skills such as understanding social and emotional boundaries is crucial to ensuring that young adults have a flourishing social life before, during, and after college. However, for those with life challenges such as ADHD, Autism, “Asperger’s,” social anxiety and other social challenges, may have deficits that cause socializing to become more difficult.

Being aware of how close you are standing to another individual when speaking or interacting is one of the many boundaries people like to enforce. Young adults typically prefer for their peers to be standing a reasonable distance, especially when the relationship between them is not very close, yet. According to one of many studies, it states that “An overwhelming majority of the (young people with socialization challenges), 79 percent, “were less aware of being too close and more prone to personal space invasions” than their typically developing siblings.” (Sarris, 2014). This can be because at times, this appropriate distance can be hard to judge. You do not want to stand so far away that the other person feels as if they cannot hear you or that you do not want to socialize with them, but you don’t want to stand so close either that they feel uncomfortable. To help those with life challenges understand the distance they should be keeping, we encourage them to imagine that they are standing in a hula hoop. If their peers were to stand around them, they should not enter the hula hoop, but rather only be as close as the ring of the hoop allows. This imaginary hoop can help young adults visualize the distance they should be keeping to prevent an uncomfortable situation that can arise if they overstep another person’s personal space boundaries. However, as time goes on and your relationship becomes closer with another person, the hula hoop rule can shrink. What is important though is to know when it is appropriate to allow it to do so and to recognize the signs of when the other person is also comfortable with this change. Personally, I find that many of the young adults I have been coaching and counseling for several decades feel that their biggest boundary need is space. They are typically not a fan of much physical interaction, especially when they do not know the other person well, and in college, not everyone thinks that way. I recall a client telling me that one of their best friends is a very emotional and touchy person from the moment they first meet, but after realizing the clients body language and lack of enthusiasm for closeness, they adapted. After displaying respect for the young adults boundaries, they felt as if they wanted to be friends and socialize with them even more, and after time passed, their hula hoop shrunk, and they taught them how to be more comfortable with that type of affection. Although moments like these are nice, understanding that all boundaries are not physical is also important. There are emotional ones as well. Knowing not to ask someone personal or inappropriate questions, especially early in the relationship is important for socializing, especially in situations such as work and class. Although you may think it is just you trying to get to know them better as a person, prodding at their sensitive information too early on makes people feel as if their personal boundaries are not being respected, and therefore causes them to not want to socialize with you in return. A source states “It can be difficult to navigate … boundaries; many … people are very literal and do not naturally have a filter or awareness of the social etiquette rules that neurotypical individuals typically pick up as they grow from childhood to adulthood.” (Experia, 2022). This means that those with some social or perceptual challenges not only struggle with noticing and respecting boundaries but also setting them for themselves. Being able to ensure that as a young adult you can set these boundaries with your peers is essential to maintaining a comfortable lifestyle, which is why if your young adult is struggling, the College Life Skills Program has the ability to help.

Our team of Doctoral and Master level professionals utilizes a series of services and techniques to help young adults who are college bound, in college, and even after college succeed in and after their transition into independent life. We help teach them social skills such as making and respecting boundaries to help them learn how to make and maintain friendships on their own, as well as executive functioning skills, life skills and developmental of emotional maturity. If your young adult is struggling with making friends or the transition into adulthood, CollegeLSP has the tools to aid them in achieving such skills.

Dr. Eric J. Nach, Ph.D., M.Ed., A.S.D.C., is a Developmental and Behavioral Specialist who specializes in Autism, ADHD and related disorders. Dr. Nach is the founder of the College Life Skills Program where he and his team of professional’s help develop the Emotional Maturity, Executive Functioning, Life Skill and Social Abilities of college students and those high school students preparing for college. The CollegeLSP is a subsidiary program of the Support For Students Growth Center, located in Boca Raton, FL and providing services nationwide.

Marina SarrisInteractive Autism Network at Kennedy Krieger Institute. (2014, October 2). Space invaders: Personal space and autism. Space Invaders: Personal Space and Autism | Interactive Autism Network. Retrieved August 26, 2022, from https://iancommunity.org/ssc/personal-space-autism

Autism and boundaries. Experia USA. (2022, February 23). Retrieved August 28, 2022, from https://www.experia-usa.com/blog/autism-and-boundaries/