But I don’t know anyone…

As one young man transitions into his first semester of college, he realized that getting in was unfortunately going to be the easiest part for him. When it comes to academics, he feels as if he is in his element. Almost no classroom makes him feel worried or anxious since he is confidant when it comes to learning, but as he is standing in a crowd at freshman orientation, he realizes that this was not his strong suit. Almost instantly people began randomly breaking off into smaller groups of people that just so happened to be near them, but as the young man doesn’t move to join a group, he stands alone, anxiously waiting for someone to walk up to him. Yet, when someone finally did, he realized he wasn’t prepared for that either.

As a young woman tries to make conversation, the young man struggles to maintain it. He is either too preoccupied with trying to maintain eye contact or read her body language that he forgets to actually listen to what she is saying, so he quickly apologizes, but as this trend continues a few times more during their interaction, the girl quickly finds an excuse before walking away. This then leaves the young man discouraged as he is left alone once again, and as his anxiety becomes too much, instead of walking up to another group and trying again, he chooses to go back to his dorm.

As time goes on and the young man tries to socialize again, he notices that the same thing keeps happening. He realizes that he focuses too much on what the other person is doing with their body language and the environment around him, that he never actually listens to what they are saying, making him feel like the social skills he has developed over the years are not coming together for him in this new environment. As socializing becomes harder and harder, the young man starts to isolate himself more and more, and as he does, the resentment he begins feeling for college is making him want to drop out. He feels as if he doesn’t fit in at this school, and that making friends is just too hard, when in reality, he just needs some help strengthening his social skills in the college setting.

For some young adults, especially those with neurodivergencies, understanding the thoughts and perceptions of peers, reading body language, and/or non-verbal communication, and understanding what others around them are trying to say silently can be a difficult thing to do. They may find it harder for them to grasp the concept of implementing multiple social skills into a daily interaction all at once, which can quickly become anxiety producing and overwhelming, and this struggle can even push them to want to stop trying all together. Young adults may feel as if no matter how hard they try, they just can’t quite get it, which unfortunately can often lead to isolation. A study states, “Nearly 40 percent of young adults with [neurodivergencies] never saw friends and half were not receiving any phone calls or being invited to activities, according to research published recently in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders. Strikingly, researchers said that 28 percent had no social contact at all.” (Heasley, 2013).

College students and young adults can sometimes forget that it is not only them who may struggle to socialize, but their peers may be too. It can be just as hard for others to make friends in a completely new environment as it is for you, which is why putting yourself out there is good, even if it feels as if it’s not. When surveyed, “nearly 48,000 college students, 64% said they had felt “very lonely” in the previous 12 months, while only 19% reported they never felt lonely…” (Murphy, 2020). Knowing others may be in the same boat as you can ease young adults’ minds when trying to socialize, and having the proper skill sets to do so can make it even easier for them, which is why adult-style social skills are so important.

At the College Life Skills Program, our team of Doctoral and Master level professionals utilizes a series of services and techniques to help young adults who are college bound, in college, and even after college succeed in and after their transition into independent life. We help teach them social skills in both the work world and in life to help them learn how to balance independent life on their own, as well as executive functioning skills, life skills, and the development of emotional maturity. If your child is struggling with life skills, such as socializing or the transition into adulthood, CollegeLSP has the tools to aid them in achieving such skills.

Dr. Eric J. Nach, Ph.D., M.Ed., A.S.D.C., is a Developmental and Behavioral Specialist who specializes in Autism, ADHD and related disorders. Dr. Nach is the founder of the College Life Skills Program where he and his team of professional’s help develop the Emotional Maturity, Executive Functioning, Life Skill and Social Abilities of college students and those high school students preparing for college. The CollegeLSP is a subsidiary program of the Support For Students Growth Center, located in Boca Raton, FL and providing services nationwide.

Murphy. (2020, January 29). Campus loneliness fact sheet. The Foundation for Art & Healing. Retrieved September 8, 2022, from https://www.artandhealing.org/campus-loneliness-fact-sheet/

Heasley, S. (2013, May 14). Study: Nearly 1 in 3 with autism socially isolated. Disability Scoop. Retrieved September 8, 2022, from https://www.disabilityscoop.com/2013/05/08/study-socially-isolated/17905/